SEXUAL PRESSURE IN THE CHURCH—(A Christian Story) “Rico The Teenage Virgin”



black teen-4Rico was a saved sanctified Holy Ghost filled Christian who received the Lord Jesus Christ at a very young age.  He proudly took his bible to school during the first year of Junior High.  His teachers loved him.  He was fearless in his stand for Jesus Christ and was not in anyway ashamed.  However, in the summer, following his 6th grade year, he was challenged by his church brothers. It appeared that they were no longer interested in talking about Jesus and the bible.  They were now more inclined to talk about sports and girls.  Rico enjoyed beautiful girls, but his heart was set on witnessing for Jesus in the streets. But his fellow brothers in the church, or at least those who claimed to be saved and were baptized in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ, were now talking about spending more time with sisters of the church and sleeping with them.    

Rico wasn’t accustomed to those types of conversations, and was, by no means, apt to engage in them.  But he was soon pushed into that unavoidable masculine discussion where, one had to Streetballers-3decide whether to take a stand alone, or fall to the crowd.  Rico reluctantly fell to the crowd, and was moved to violate one of his most important rules; Never lie!… This unforgettable  life changing discourse began when he and some of the other brothers, who were part of the church, were playing basketball at a neighborhood playground while talking about girls. Boopie, who was one of the boys, sarcastically said, “Hey Rico! You don’t know nothin’ about girls, do you? You ain’t never had no kutchee-ku!” 

When Rico heard it, he was speechless, being shocked that he was called out like that without any warning; the other fellas started laughing. But Rico broke the laugh by saying,  “You don’t know me!  Just because I don’t talk, don’t mean I never had it!”  then he quickly stole the ball from another player and shot the basket.  John Jr, (better known as, Big J) said, “Oh really, who you been with, dawg?”  Then Little Mark, jokingly defending Rico, said, “He probably been with that girl Carla; I see her over his house all the time.”…  Carla was a good girl with 5 brothers.  She was a virgin who went to the same church as Rico. She actually went to the house to play with Rico’s sister, but would wind up playing with Rico.  She never took her clothes off, but she did allow Rico to touch forbidden areas of her body before knocking his hands away and barely moving him to stop……  Rico just smiled at Little Mack’s comment, as if in agreement to that statement….  But while the other guys debated the joking remark, Big J shouted out to Rico, “A yo! You been with her?” and Rico said, “Yeah!” as he shot yet another ball into the basket.

black man thinking through-2As the day ended and Rico began heading home, he felt a little uncomfortable having to lie to his friends.  Well, he didn’t really lie, after all, he had been with Carla, but not sexually.  But he allowed the insinuation of his statement to deliver him from embarrassment.  He noticed that he had no problems standing up for Jesus when it came to defending his belief in the presence of non-church going people; but how was he to stand up for Jesus against those who already claimed to be Saved?  Was this sex stuff ok to do? Is this what young folks did in the church?  Rico had even heard how one of the Deacon’s son was caught having sex with a girl next to the baptism pool in the sanctuary. It became the gossip among the young people.  Rico wasn’t totally innocent, for he did find himself in situations where a girl would allow him to playfully touch many parts of her body, but that’s as far as Rico would go; being naked with a girl was something all together different and sinful to him.  His friends, however, seemed to had been engaged in such sexual activities all their lives, even though many of them were lying through insinuations just as he was.

Rico remained a virgin even through most of high school. He was exceedingly picky about the type of girls he chose.  HIV was becoming widespread talk among many sexual active young folks, and he didn’t trust condoms or any other protection.  The fear of God was upon Rico, but he still felt the pressure to have that sexual experience. If his brothers in the church was having it, then he was dedicated on having that experience as well, one way or another. He didn’t want to feel like an outsider when those conversations came up, even though he wasn’t about to risk his life over a one time thrill either.  He searched only for good girls who were virgins and not known to teenage dating-1be with other guys.  One day, someone from his church decided to hook him up with a girl named Angie.  Angie was just right for Rico, or so it seemed. After a few talks on the phone, along with the joy of knowing that she lived with her single mom right around the block from him,  Rico could proudly say that he now had a real girlfriend that he could spend all of his free time with.  Rico always wanted an attractive light-skinned girl who he could be pleased to show off to his friends, and Angie was that girl.  Soon, Rico was in love.  He would talk on the phone with Angie all night.  On many occasions, one of them would fall asleep on the phone simply because neither one of them wanted to hang up on the other.

But unfortunately, an unexpected  incident occurred that would forever damage their relationship.  One night, Rico came over to Angie’s house; they went out to the back yard to play.  It was very dark, and they were playing chase, in which Angie would run while Rico chased.  Rico decided that on the third catch, he would playfully wrestle Angie down to the ground.  When he did so, he got on top of her acting as if she was pinned down in a wrestling match.  He observed to see what she would do.  She was laughing. Her laugh gave him the boldness to try something he might regret. He pulled down his pants and pulled up her skirt.  It was dark in this particular section of the back yard, where the light of the full moon scarcely lit their faces. So neither of them knew that the other was void of undergarments.  He didn’t intend to go into her, for he was trying to respect that, but playing in dangerous areas, and not knowing she had no panties on, he shockingly felt himself slip into the forbidden area as Angie let out a quick scream which went silent almost as soon as it voiced out.  Rico was hoping no one heard it. He laid with Angie for a making love-1while, but then felt something strange leave his spirit. He quickly got off of her not wishing to hurt her.  He asked, “Are you Ok?” She was speechless, but nodded her head to let Rico know that everything was fine.  He then helped her up and lovingly walked her to the front door.  It was getting late, so they kissed each other good night, being shocked and too filled with adrenaline to say anything more. Angie smiled with a happy glow on her face as she departed from her First Love into the house.  Once in the house, she immediately went to take a cold shower.

Meanwhile, as Rico began walking back home, he was filled with excitement.  It was his first time having sex. He was no longer a virgin.  But he wasn’t prepared for the consequences of that action.  For when he woke up the next morning, his love for Angie had diminished.  He lost a little respect for her.  He didn’t want to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it.  He tried his best to bring himself back to that state where he was so in love with her, but it was gone.  His love for her had drastically decreased and he couldn’t get it back. He felt bad that he had failed God by fornicating, even though it felt so good to do it.  His desire to talk to Angie on the phone all night was gone.  He began getting jealous every time he saw her talking to another guy, even if the guy was her cousin.  He didn’t like those feelings; he didn’t want those feelings, but he couldn’t help having those feelings.  He and Angie began arguing about petty things.  They broke up, then got back together, broke up, then got back together……  It became a roller coaster ride.  Rico would only get back with Angie when he needed that sexual release that he was now addicted to.  But after their sexual encounters, he would feel bad again for failing God and would refuse to see her.  He hated feeling that way; he hated treating her that way; but he just couldn’t regain the love he had for her in the beginning, no matter how hard he tried. All he could think of now, is finding a way to peacefully break up with her.

don't leaveFinally the day had come.  It was a tough one.  He sat down with Angie and said to her, “Listen, I’m really sorry Angie, but I know I’m no good for you. It won’t work for us.  I won’t make a good husband for you.  I believe God has someone far better for you than me, but I’ll always love you.”……  Angie was heartbroken.  She tried to convince Rico that it could still work, but it was no use.  Rico couldn’t tell her that his love was gone for her; he couldn’t tell her that he had been struggling to love her ever since that first sexual encounter; he couldn’t tell her that he was trying to get that first love feeling back, but couldn’t:… All he could say is that, “Men are dogs… We are created from the dirt of the earth, and we are set to act accordingly.”   Rico left Angie, but he was just as hurt as she was, but also relieved that he had set them both free from a horrible future together.

Rico also had these same experiences with other sisters in the church, even after his departure from Angie.  And he would find himself thinking he was in love, but as soon as a sexual encounter ensued, his respect and love drastically diminished for that sister.  He began asking himself a lot of questions, “Why did I lose interest in a girl after such a wonderful encounter? I’m willing to marry the girl, but after sex, I’m no longer interested. How is it that I’m able to kiss them, hug them, and even rub all over them without any changes in my love, but as soon as I have sex with them, I don’t want them anymore? Was man created by God with some sort of innate mechanism  that triggered negative reactions to sexual relationships performed out of wedlock or something?  It appears that some of my sisters in Christ are vulnerable, and willing to give their bodies in hopes of reciprocal love, but by doing this, they unknowingly, ignite an unwanted disrespect for them within the man’s physique! If this is the way God designed it, then we are in trouble.  For once a man becomes addicted to sex, how can he ever respect the woman?”

Rico felt that his spiritual leaders were responsible for much of the fornication that went on in the leaders of the chruchchurch, because the church didn’t take the time to educated the youth about sex.  Sexual feelings were natural, and no shame to it.  Rico knew that the church pressured couples, who were sexually active, to get married immediately.  But Rico felt the opposite, and thought they should break up immediately, and find someone they really loved.  Rico saw no real happy marriages in his church, and wondered if it was because of their sexual encounters before marriage.  It may not always be the case, but according to Rico’s observations in other churches, the couples who waited for sex after marriage, was still married, while the one’s who had sex before marriage, were divorced or heading towards it. Sex was definitely not a reason to get married, as far as Rico was concerned.

Rico wanted a wife he could enjoy after the sex was over; a friendship worth more than sex; a woman willing to keep herself until marriage, and was not intimidate by women who would not.  But where would he ever find such a girl? In the church?…… After many failed relationships, Rico finally rededicated his life to Christ and made a personal choice to respect the bodies of all women.  Only by this was he able to abstain from sex until the day God finally blessed him with the type of woman he longed for.  Rico didn’t feel he deserved a good marriage after unintentionally ruining the happy marriage-1lives of so many other women. But his rededication to the Lord Jesus Christ, his new view on sex and respect, helped him get through the rough times of abstinence which he believed caused an attraction of the perfect woman into his life during his later years.  He regret that he hadn’t stood up for Jesus against his fellow teenage brothers in the church, but at the same time, he praise God for keeping him alive during his sinful failure… and even more importantly… blessing him to learn from it!

Rico the Teenage Virgin, learned a Valuable Lesson!…. Respect your God!       Respect your body!     Respect your friend!